Matchmaker, shipper, dabbler.
50% Willpower, 30% Addiction, 10% Dream, 10% Can't-Be-Bothered.
--- fandom / appreciation / pointless stuff blog ---
Hi and hello~~~
(my 3ds friend code: 5000-2362-1176 thank)
In the passenger seat of your car, I ask you what
color the burnt orange of the leather seats are and you tell me
burnt orange. My cheeks in the rearview mirror are the color
of burning, and when I look down at my hands, they’re so pale
that I forget for a moment that I own flesh over these bones.
The fog is so thick that I could lose you in it again, you say —
and I put my hand on your hand until I mix our fingers up.
There is a shipwreck between your ribs and it took eighteen years
for me to understand how to understand your kind of drowning.
The divorce papers say Christmas and July. That’s all you were given
to touch the cheeks of your small daughters and try to tell them in
smaller and smaller words how absence does not mean
The first and last time I saw my parents together was in a
parking lot at McDonalds. They didn’t speak to each other, didn’t
look each other in the eye — only handed me between them
like an insult.
When I got into my father’s car, he handed me a Happy Meal toy
like an apology.
There are people who cannot be held quietly. There are screams
that are never externalized. If I looked at the photo albums of your
past twenty years, all I would find are decibel meter graphs of
phone calls and the intensity of your silence as you sat
smoking cigarettes in the garage.
Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, scientists
have finally proven.
All it does is make you that much more aware of how many
feet it takes to walk a mile.
There is a shipwreck between your ribs. You are a box with
fragile written on it, and so many people have not handled you
And for the first time, I understand that I will never know
how to apologize for being
one of them.
Hey, if I could drive a car, I too would be falling into theaters for CAWS and plunging myself into mental anguish. Are you coherent enough to share the stuff you missed on the first viewing? (because, you know. i don't have a self preservation instinct)
I thought I had done so well so far, but then my friend was like, ‘Well I haven’t seen Cap2 yet’ so really, I couldn’t let her live with that. I had to show her the light. :P
As far as coherence, IDK because I’m basically rocking back and forth and clawing at my face in a pool of my own tears, but I’ll give it a shot. ALSO FAIR WARNING. I am super slow so I’m sure a bunch more people have already figured this out/expanded upon this, so yeah, bear with me if this is old news
- Everyone assumes that Tony designed Insight, or at least was involved in the project. He wasn’t, and he didn’t. Steve says "Stark" when he sees them, and Fury gives a non-answer, which is, "He had some observation after getting a close look at our turbines." which is a reference to when he was nearly chopped to death by said turbine when Loki’s mercenaries attacked the helicarrier in Avengers. Which, knowing how SHIELD, the brass, and everyone and their fucking mother is after Tony for his tech WHICH TONY IS INFAMOUS FOR NOT WANTING TO SHARE, kind of smells to me as if said tech was acquired without Tony’s knowledge. Which is pretty reinforced by the fact that Tony is one of the Helicarrier targets at the end.
- Bruce Banner was a target for Insight. Sitwell says so— I was too busy going WAIT WHAT STRANGE to realize he’d actually said “Banner, Strange, the valedictorian who didn’t go out with me’ (I’m paraphrasing but I think it was something along those lines) which means that they were already planning to TAKE OUT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE AVENGERS.
- Which brings me to my second point, that they had already planned to kill both Natasha and Steve. When Price calls in ‘the asset’ (please excuse while I puke in my mouth and fantasize about flaying Price alive), he tells him the timetable has been moved up. He has two targets, and he wants confirmed death in 10 hours. Which means, he already wanted to kill Natasha and Steve. That was already part of the Winter Soldier mission, it just got moved up. It was all part of the plan WAY BEFORE FURY’S MURDER, he just wanted them gone before the helicarriers went in the air since now it appears they are loose cannons. So Natasha, Tony, Steve, Bruce, god knows where Clint’s at, were all, in Price’s/Hydra’s world, going to be dead to avoid any possible conflict in their little Freudian power game.
- And now for the truly extensive amount of pain. When we’re in the vault, Bucky’s remembering. They’re fixing his metal arm and the programming is breaking down after Steve called him ‘Bucky’. Through his memories, we see him being dragged through the snow and part of his arm is already missing. Which means he probably either crushed it in the fall but most likely, cut it off himself to get free. And the very next memory is Zola saying ‘Sergeant Barnes, the procedure has already started’ and we fucking see the saw going over the stump of his arm, we fucking hear it, and we can fucking hear a scream. They cautered his arm while he was fucking conscious because he fucking remembers it. He’s remembering it right now. He wasn’t under during a fucking PAINFUL AS FUCK medical procedure.
- Which brings me back to the arm, and to the fact that there is metal welded into his skin and the arm goes on top of that metal plaque and it’s SCREWED IN, and you can see the burns all around it, the scar tissue which definitely looks like burnt scar tissue - it’s burnt tissue. So that plaque is set into his skin from a mad fucking scientist in the late 1950s— while he was awake.
- ALSO HE REMEMBERS SOMEONE CALLING HIM SERGEANT BARNES. He remembers Zola talking him, he remembers what they did to his arm — this is all in the same scene, by the way - but what does he say to Price? What is the thing that is clinging to him, what is the most important thing? The man on the bridge. He doesn’t ask where Zola went, or who was the doctor, or what’s happened to his arm. He doesn’t ask who Sergeant Barnes is, he doesn’t ask about himself god fucking dammit. Steve. When you strip away everything, at the core of Bucky Barnes, there is still Steve Rogers.
- Christ, when they wipe him. Something about the chair, the physical sensation, the sound, the smell, must trigger on a hell of a panic attack because he actually begins to hyperventilate BEFORE the machine is even in action and I was too horrified to catch on the first time. And he whimpers. He WHIMPERS, I FUCKING HEARD IT, before the plaques go around his head which means somewhere deep inside of him, despite how many times over he’s been through this and he shouldn’t remember any of it, he fucking remembers the pain and he’s terrified of what he’s about to go through.
- Also RUMLOW HAS TO LOOK AWAY. Rumlow, fucking Crossbones couldn’t fucking STAND to see what they were doing to this guy he doesn’t know, and doesn’t fucking care for?? LIKE IF RUMLOW THINKS YOU’RE FUCKED UP THEN SIR, I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. YOU ARE FUCKED UP.
- On the helicarrier, during the final fight with Steve. Steve dislocates his shoulder in the attempt to grab the chips to re-calibrate the helicarriers. For the rest of the fight, he favors his metal arm and he’s carrying his right arm tight across his chest because he’s got a fucking dislocated shoulder. Which, yeah. Lots of fucking pain. He’s in pain throughout the last few moments when he’s punching Steve and he’s in so much pain and everything hurts, and you can see how erratic his hits are, the fact that he swings, then has to pause, draw back his arm, swing again (as opposed to the quickfire sure punches we saw earlier on). AND HERE GOES NOTHING. He throws himself after Steve when Steve falls, and he grabs him BY HIS GOOD ARM, his metal arm. Which means, he swam, dragging Steve’s dead weight body to shore, with his fucking dislocated shoulder dONT LOOK AT ME BYE.